One Crowded Night

I went to White Night here in Melbourne last night. It’s a cross between St. Petersburg’s celebration of the midnight sun (which I missed by just two weeks when I was there last year), and Night at the Museums, where museums have free admission and stay open all night (which I was lucky enough to experience in Budapest). I wish I could say I enjoyed Melbourne’s interpretation, but I truthfully can’t. The center of Melbourne was a madhouse, absolutely jam-packed with a sweaty, heaving, drunken mass of humanity. It’s too bad. It could have been fun, if only all of Australia hadn’t shown up for the party, brought a plus-one, drank all the beer and passed out in the tub. Add to that Melbourne’s complete ineptitude with regard to the tram system (i.e. getting people from A to B efficiently. Or at all.) and White Night rapidly turned into Fright Night. See what I did there, swapping the ‘W’ with an ‘F’, and the rhy…oh never mind. Look, I’m tired and cranky. That stupid tram didn’t get me back to the hostel till after 2AM. Then I was awoken at 5 by a roommate with poor anger management skills who believed that an alarm going off in a locker – locked, of course – was mine. It was not. It belonged to someone who was – you guessed it – out partying at White Night. Or maybe just waiting for a tram, who knows? And don’t even get me started on that guy. He’s here with two of his mates on work visas and it looks like they have just moved into the hostel permanently. They apparently rented a leaf blower and used that to organize their stuff in the room, and their clothes are emitting a powerful funk masked only slightly by the noxious cloud of Axe Body Spray they apply via bug bomb before heading out into the night to inflict themselves on whatever local girls have the poor sense of smell, self-image and judgment to let them within arms reach. But then again, maybe the girls know what they are doing. Maybe they detect a royal lineage. After all, it usually takes centuries of determined inbreeding to explain the outright stupidity I have witnessed from that lot. But I digress…where was I? Oh yeah, White Nightmare (man, I am on a roll!). Believe it or now, there actually was something that I enjoyed about last night. A few stages were set up for live music, and I was pleased to see Augie March, an Australian indie band, on one of them, playing the song linked below, one of my favorites by them. Considering the setting, the title was a nice touch of serendipity. So now you get to enjoy the song and skip the obnoxious, drunken mob scene that accompanied it. Unless you are into that kind of thing, in which case, feel free to whip up your own. Either way, it’s a win-win for you. As for me, as I re-read this post, I have come to the conclusion that I am officially old and quite likely in need of a nap.

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